What It Means To Take Your Name

Dr Gary Chapman once decided to study how people fundamentally give and receive love and ended up with what we call the 5 love languages. 

The very first time I heard this, I just knew mine was words of affirmation. What is love when not expressed? Why do we have words if it is to be used sparingly? If the people you love don't know how much you love them, what is the point of it all? So when you love people, you take their names. Not because you have to, but because you can. 

You take their names in everyday conversations. Even when they don't know, even when they can't hear, you take their names. It's a privilege to take your name and end it with a smile. 

If you spent time with me, you'd know how much I'd take your name. You’d know how many times a day I'll tell you what I like about you, what I love about you. How many times a day I'll call out your name because when you love someone, that is the meaning their name receives.

Like how a child learns to form the picture of a tree when someone says "tree", people don’t form an image of the meaning behind a name; you become the meaning of your name. 

You know, I tell myself that I'm a material girl. I tell the world I love gifts. But there isn't half as much joy in the gift as to the pleasure that comes with taking the name of who it came from. Of wearing something that holds the memory of another person. 

There’s this little white dress with black stripes — my comfort dress. It belongs to my best friend. It’s a piece of clothing she’s worn for years, and I just stole it because I’ve always had my eye on it. In fact, I’m wearing it right now as I write this.

It’s probably six or seven years old, with lint coming out of it, but the comfort it gives me is incomparable. I had waited seven years for her to finally get completely exhausted by it so I could claim it as mine.

But it's never mine. There is no joy in claiming it is mine. It is all about being able to say "oh, it's my best friend's". 'My best friend'. 'My'.

In a world that thrives on the constant documentation of your possessions, the sweetest ones don't come with the baggage of it. My experiences, my friends, my dreams, my perspective – It's all mine and not, all at the same time. You don't get to see the world I see. You don't get to enjoy the love that I do. You don't get to experience a person the way I get to. It is all mine. 

So when I take your name, when I call you mine – it asks for no permission, it carries no expectations, it needs no validation. I'll take your name, and end it with a smile; like I always do.